THE 1990s

We are a community that must continue to encourage, be tolerant of and celebrate diversity of lifestyles. With that said, I'm going to focus  this little article on the 1990s.

So here we are in the 1990s -- in the midst of the second decade of a sexually transmitted plague that has been decimating our community. There is a lot more emphasis on coupling within the gay men's community. I have written and conducted workshops for gay men on sex, dating and intimacy. These workshops regularly attract up to a hundred men, no matter what part of the

country they are conducted in. I hear from friends, my psychotherapy patients and colleagues that concerns about intimacy, dating and how to find and sustain a relationship are very much on gay men's minds these days. One comment I hear very often is that prior to the onset of AIDS, for many men a date meant that they were going to have sex. Now a date doesn't necessarily mean that, even if both men find themselves attracted.

Of course there are men who are still not interested in having an ongoing, monogamous relationship and who are satisfied with having a series of partners. It's important that these men not be judged for this choice of life style, and that the gay men's community doesn't create a norm where coupling is the only state to aspire towards.